After that was done and dusted, I returned to doulaing, the yoga course I was doing at the moment, all was well. I returned to my personal practice at the time, asking Life, Ma, the mother to show me the meaning of surrender because I want to be in flow with the flow of the universe not against it. Going wherever the wind of life blows and not constantly in a battle or fight with it. Ahhh She must have been laughing at me and saying, Really? Ok, here you go!
Then my period is a few days late...and I'm like, "it's ok, just a few days". Then days turn to a week (note, my periods are always on point and very rarely late), a week turns to 2 and then panic hits. Holy shit!!!! What if? Oooh no, it can't be. I took the freaking pill! It can't be. On one hand, I'm still praying, Life/God/Ma please show me the meaning of surrender.....and on the other, "oh i hope i'm not f*#°ing pregnant. No...I can't be! I just can't be. 3 weeks later, I'm balling my eyes out.....why? Why? WHY? Oooh noo it can't be.